Last ride together. . .

Thursday evening - May 2002. This is the last photo taken of Nicki, three days before she died. Caroline was riding out with a friend and luckily they had taken the camera with them. Nicki was fit and fast! No sign of anything wrong with her. Then on Saturday morning, she seemed lethargic. She had left her breakfast and was reluctant even to walk out of her stall. The vet came and treated her for colic but it didn't improve. The next morning she was sweating and had worsened. The vet suspected grass sickness and immediately phoned the hospital in Edinburgh to ask if she could be admitted.



I did not want to put her through the journey but Caroline pleaded that she be given a chance. At noon, I loaded her onto the trailer and as it pulled away, I knew it would be the last time I saw her. The livery yard was very busy that day as there was a dressage competition taking place. Many people were saying kind things and trying to keep me positive. However, I just wanted to go home. I spent most of the afternoon sitting in the field thinking. It was a beautiful warm sunny day. The birds were singing, the grass was punctuated by wild flowers, and I knew that two hundred miles away, our pony was dying.



The phone call came at 7.00pm to say that she had gone.

Moving on. . . .

Nicki's first X Country competition. She loved X Country and never refused a jump - unlike showjumping where she was usually eliminated .

As Caroline grew older, she became less interested in Pony Club and showing. I breathed a very loud sigh of relief as I had never really mustered up enthuiasm for these events, even less so when having to do my stint at jump judging for X country competitions. Instead, she discovered the world of Endurance riding, starting with Pleasure rides and building up to competitive classes. By now, Nicki had grown a mane, long gone were the days of show plaiting. Now the plaits were put in to keep cool rather than to look pretty!

Although they had never set the world alight with all aspects of showing and other competitions, they now began to win many of their long distant rides. Nicki seemed to enjoy these rides too as it meant going to places that she had never been to before. It was better suited to her 'independent mare' image!

Nicki's first few years with us

1996 - Caroline about to put Nicki out after a ride. For the first few months she was ridden in a Kimblewick. As things progressed, this was replaced by a snaffle and a flash noseband.
Finally, after much patience and perserverance, she graduated to a caveson and French Link.

Nicki's first Christmas with us. Here she is ready to do the Christmas Fun Dressage to Music. Her expression does not bode well - neither did the dressage marks!

1997 - The following summer at one of the shows. Caroline was told by the 'in hand' judge that Nicki was 'no oil painting'. We loved her regardless!

Introducing . . . . .

Nicki, a 13.3hh Highland x TB (with a bit of Welsh somewhere back!) was bought for Caroline's 11th birthday. She was the first pony we had owned and she was with us for almost 7 years until she died of Grass Sickness in May 2002.

Up till then, we had both been having regular riding lessons but nothing could have prepared for the state of shock that enveloped me for the first six months after her arrival. My instructor's last words as we set out on the 'pony trail' that day were ' Don't come back with a mare'. These words came to haunt me many times during the next few years as we slowly learned to deal with the feisty madam that had come into our lives.

Nicki was responsible for all my loss of confidence that I had been slowly acquiring in my build up to 'pony mum'. She started as she meant to go on by spraining Caroline's fingers within the first few hours of her arrival as she barged her along the path to the field. Her 'wall of death' impressions in the Indoor School became famous, especially on wild, windy days. Her first few solo hacks were mainly spent going nowhere as she planted her hooves very firmly in the ground, refusing to budge and her refusal to jump the first fence in any competition was legendary.

However, gradually we learned a lot about each other, and although she was never my 'ideal' mount, I loved her regardless and I watched with envy as she became Caroline's best friend and partner - their bond was tangible for all to see.

Losing Nicki

Surrounded by kind words, I smiled

but in my heart I had already said goodbye.

I watched her load, pressed face to fur

(which even then still felt like silk)

and tried to dredge my mind for reasons why.

And Caroline, I see your pain,

no need for words I feel it too,

the hurt we share, it has no voice

but I need to write this just for you.

I envy you your special bond

grown bigger, stronger, every year,

eventually this day will fade

and better memories reappear.

She loves you, just as you love her,

no one could love her more

that will not change, best friends for life,

but now, for her, don't close the door,

for her sake, keep the flame alive,

for her sake, carry on to strive

for what you want, don't let her down,

she will be proud to know that you

despite all this will still pull through.

Written for you, Caroline, on a beautiful day in May while sitting in the field waiting for news from the Dick Vet but knowing that we were going to lose Nicki, our feisty, much loved little pony who had shared our lives for almost seven years. I knew that you would not want to see anyone when you got home, so I left this poem on your pillow. I would have given anything to have been able to take away the hurt from you that night.