but in my heart I had already said goodbye.
I watched her load, pressed face to fur
(which even then still felt like silk)
and tried to dredge my mind for reasons why.
And Caroline, I see your pain,
no need for words I feel it too,
the hurt we share, it has no voice
but I need to write this just for you.
I envy you your special bond
grown bigger, stronger, every year,
eventually this day will fade
and better memories reappear.
She loves you, just as you love her,
no one could love her more
that will not change, best friends for life,
but now, for her, don't close the door,
for her sake, keep the flame alive,
for her sake, carry on to strive
for what you want, don't let her down,
she will be proud to know that you
despite all this will still pull through.
Written for you, Caroline, on a beautiful day in May while sitting in the field waiting for news from the Dick Vet but knowing that we were going to lose Nicki, our feisty, much loved little pony who had shared our lives for almost seven years. I knew that you would not want to see anyone when you got home, so I left this poem on your pillow. I would have given anything to have been able to take away the hurt from you that night.